War, What is it Good For?

War, the instant reaction of the knucklehead. Why not negotiate? Sit down, have a drink and talk? Make sure you make a joke or two, calm everyone’s nerves a little. Show the other guy you like what he likes…hardly any difference between us is there? No need to go murdering each other’s sons and daughters tomorrow afternoon at 3:30? Let’s play a round of golf instead and at the end the loser gives the winner a fortuitous free trade agreement, eh? Seems less messy, a little fairer?

But no, we get war. “What about ISIS, or the Taliban?” you say? They can’t be negotiated with? (And they don’t even like golf)…Well they can’t be negotiated with by you with that attitude you halfwitted abomination. They want something, we want something. Work out a deal, make it fair….we won’t bomb the crap out of you, and you agree to a fair share of resources…fair right?

Imagine going into a business deal with the moronic attitudes that lead to decisions of war? No humour, no how’s the family, not even a how bout those Vikings on the weekend, or did you see the last episode of Survivor on TV? Just a bunch of stony faced dibgleberries sitting around a table staring at each other. One slides over a piece of paper demanding to buy a 10% share in the other ones company for $2 million. The second guy slides an offer back saying he will take $20 million no less. Then the first guy stops thinking at all, whips out a sword and cuts through the second guys Armani suit pants under the table taking his two ankles and feet clean off his body at the same time. He watches the guy bleed out to death through his stumps and picks up his ten percent share and walks out with it.

That’s war!…it’s a 3 year old tantrum when one child has finished his bowl of cereal and wants more, but the other children are busy eating theirs, so the greedy 3 year old starts tipping the other kids cereal bowls over in disgust.

Haven’t we evolved? Aren’t we more than monkeys fighting over bananas? Yet in most places in the world right now, most of us are either involved in, or friends with someone involved in chucking an adult temper tantrum through war. Time to grow up humans, your embarrassing yourselves. Everybody gets some cereal, everyone gets a fair deal, we make some jokes, we play some golf and everybody’s children make it home in time for dinner.

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